Stop Touching Things

"Miss! you can't touch the artwork..."
"He means you, too, G-ma"

Sunday, January 31, 2010

Valentine's Day Advice

In our effort to educate, we here in Howktown like to share life experiences in hopes of helping others make choices that they won't regret.

The other day the Queeen of Howktown decided to get a much deserved massage for herself. She had spent many hours that week massaging other people and now it was her turn.

So she went to the gal down the road with whom she had an appointment and said "Give me all you got!"

An hour later she was massaged and squeezed and poked and she was relaxed and little sore. She wanted nothing more than to go home and enjoy this just massaged feeling, snuggled up with her true love.

As she arrived home and looked lovingly upon her darling man, he said "WHAT happened to your hair?"

You see, She looked like this:

Not very sexy.

"Just close your eyes, sweetie, I just got a massage" she said as she snuggled up to him. 

"Oh my God! What kind of oil did she use!  You smell like "STINKOR"!"

"STINKOR?" she asked. 

"Yes, from HeMan, the guy that smells like a skunk. You smell just like the action figure!"

So, Ladies. This Valentine's Day, if you decide to get a massage before the big night.... don't. Wait until after. You don't know what crazy comic book villian you will look or smell like afterwards.

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Shave the beard and disappear.

from Sara's little corner of the world.

You know how Clark Kent takes off his glasses and no one recognizes him?!
Barrett shaved his beard and disappeared.
I don't recognize the man who claims to be married to me.


Tuesday, January 19, 2010

That sure is a hoary tree you got there...

... Watch your mouth! Shhheeesh!

Hoarfrost in My Front Yard

So, I was sitting at work minding my own business, when my co-worker started talking about the hoarfrost on his car and how someone he was talking to thought the term was vulgar.  He went on and on about it and I sort of tuned it out and started thinking about the word.

Now, I know the other person was thinking about a different word... with a questionable reputation.

Here in Howktown, we may live off street smarts, but we also like words. All those years of being told to look it up in our Funk & Wagnell's must of rubbed off in some weird way.

Then the first thing I saw this morning was a world of hoarfrost outside my front window. It was serene and beautiful. So I took some pics for you guys and then set to work looking up the word.

A Hoary mailbox and trellis in the backyard

Of course I'm going to share what I've learned with you! Hoarfrost is a description of a type of frost that tends to be feathery or hairy in appearance.  Hoar (or hoary) is from the Middle English meaning grey or grey with age, like a whiskery grey beard on an old man.

Don't you feel smart?  Try combining that with your street smarts and greet the ladies of the night as hoary ladies... wait maybe that wouldn't be so smart.

I think that might be my next band. The Hoary Ladies, first album: Whiskers.

Tuesday, January 12, 2010


The last tuesday of year found me at my bi-annual trip to SPA-a school.

This is a salon school. Complete with students , educators minimizing damage, and long times to sit.

I look forward to this excursion for many reasons. The cheap price doesn't hold much for me because I spend more there than I would anywhere else. They can pretty much talk me into anything. One thing that never fails to amuse me is sitting in my chair and getting thrown off, at least once, by having someone else's legs where mine should be. You spend enough time staring at yourself in the mirror that when you look down to see not the reflection of yourbody but the legs of the person on the other side of the mirror, it's bound to be disorientating. I like having people play with my hair; and when it's a student doing it, my need gets a lot of attention. The hair wash in the best sink is nice of course. Sometimes I even like the enthusiasm. One girl got me to dye my hair a shade with the slightest hint of pink. Not many people noticed later (which is fine with me) but she was SO EXCITED. How could I take that away from her. I can on a choice of a really interesting conversation or reading an entire book.

Sometimes you just can't prepare yourself for situations. Try Try as you might.

I think the educator Mr Olson has quite a job on his hands. He is in his late 20's/early 30's with tons of young ones trying to get his attention. Mr Olson, can I do this? Mr. Olson, we are going to this? Mr. Olson, can you check this out? Mr Olson Mr Olson Mr Olson. Mr. Olson only seemed frazzled with my girl. April.

I had a lot of time to think about April. In fact, I still am thinking about April. April is a little slip of a girl. One who didn't seem happy to see me. That "oh crap my 5:30 showed up" look came over her eyes. I showed her what I wanted. Dead silence met my request. A mumbled " yeah. that's great." and slightly louder "follow me" I sit down. I wait. in silence. the girls stares at the pictures in the book i show her. She pages through it. I sit. and wait. Slowly she turns herself in my direction. and timidly starts touching my hair and asks about the colors i want. She brings me a book and has me pick the color. GB5 or BR4; not really sure. April isn't interested in this process. She needs Mr. Olson's approval. Mr Olson is a busy guy. "Mr. Olson" He walks by quickly. April has a hard time getting his attention and comes to some realization that she is using somewhat of a soft tone. "MR. OLSON!!!!!", she yells. We were all shocked. Mr. Olson particularily so. He comes over and gets the scoop. He asks her how she plans on giving me the cut I want. "That's what I was thinking?", wonders April. What? April apparently has never done this cut before. I am fascinated. She doesn't talk to me. He tells her how to dye my hair to make it work with my upcoming cut. She starts coloring my hair. She doesn't talk to me. She does hear the girl next to me talking about her parents divorce. April lights up and questions " your parents are already divorced?!?!!!!" "um. no. they are still in the process." "Oh :( I thought that was quick" She turns back to my head and mumbles, " I hope my divorce goes that fast" Oh my. an hours passes. she doesn't talk to me. my color is finally ready to "wait for 45 minutes". April disappears. Fast forward. Mr. Olson sets her up for part one of my cut. April cuts. April mumbles positive comments like "oh, i get it"and "cool". Mr. Olson set her up for part 2 of my cut. Mr Olson fixes part 3. April says "cut THAT much?!" Co-students start packing things up and ask April if they can help her with anything. They don't respond to the oh so sarcastic comment of picking the kids up from daycare. Co-students leave. I find myself feeling empathy for April when the director of the program comes and quietly asks if she will be okay with her daycare. I find myself highly amused when the receptionist comes to pick up unused books and April ignores her until she tries to take it out from under April at which point April quietly growls about not being done. April is trying to visually track down Mr. Olson. April tells a co-person, "I need Mr. Olson to check out this stupid haircut" Stupid haircut? OH MY. April speaks to me. April says "I am sorry this is taking so long." I say something about first time doing every haircut and then mention that it seems like a lot of the terms i have been hearing sound like geometry. April lets me know that it is and that she hates math and doesn't know what she's doing here. We stop talking to eachother. My haircut is done.
Mr. Olson gives her the okay to be done. April says, " oh, and we still have to do her brows". Really? It's almost 10pm. I started with her at 5:30. I reply quite quickly, "oh no! That's okay"

I am looking forward to June. I don't think anything can match this. but you never know.

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Reading Tea Leaves

This is what my tea leaves told me today:

Ease flows through a cup of tea and I find my life large enough to hold me.