So there is this rumor going around that I, The Queen of Howktown, am... less than graceful. I have always fought this idea. Things just... happen to me. I swear!
Just the other day, as I was lightly jogging across the soft grassy soccer fields in my dress pants and frilly black pumps, racing to get a photo for the newspaper before the light was lost for the evening, my right leg decided to twist and I subsequently did a wonderful ballerina like spin and fall onto the turf! It was a graceful fall that had me on my ass in 2.5 seconds, though it felt as though it was 30 minutes of falling. Don't worry, the pictures were taken and I got three in the paper that night.
While I was at the chiropractor's office the next day demonstrating my latest and greatest dance move, complete with a quick little jogging demonstration (yes, I actually re-enacted the jogging in the Dr. office, she needed the whole picture!) the good doctor started giggling!
"What's so funny?"
"Oh, nothing... well, you. You're always having these accidents. I was just remembering the bike tires..."
"Oh, yeah, I forgot about those"
"Both of them blowing with in 20 minutes, scaring Amy (Age 4) from riding bikes"
Yes, that was funny. I decided to go on a bike ride with my sister and niece and my tire needed a little air. The tire looked a little dry and cracked, but I thought it was okay. I filled up the tires and went on my way... for about five seconds when my back tire blew. We called my dad to come pick me up and haul the bike home, when as we were lifting the bike into the truck, the front tire blew in my hands and rubber whipped my legs with the force of 65ppi escaping as fast as it can. Hilarious.
Being reminded of my 'accidents' gets me simultaneously riled up with indignation and hysterically laughing at the fixes I get myself in. The most famous being shutting my foot in the trunk of my car... with a box in my hand and being unable to move for 3 minutes. Yes, the tip of my foot, mostly my shoe, was caught in the lid of the truck as I slammed it down getting a heavy item from the trunk. I was using my legs to lift goshdarnit! That's what you're supposed to do! Sheesh.
I asked two my best friends this last weekend if they agreed with this Odd Accident Prone status. It's not everyday accident prone, or even clumsy, klutzy, or sloppy. Odd accidents with luckily no serious injury happen to me. Like the time I got stuck in the turnstile at the train station. That was bad timing to be sure. Walking closely behind my friend, already part way into the turn, I put my fare card in, walked forward, took the card out before the turnstile was activated for 'my turn' and it locked me one leg in, one leg out, unable to go backward or forward until I re-inserted my card. Luckily I only bruised my pride, and didn't lose a fare.. but we did miss the train we were trying to catch and had to wait for the next.
My friends, just laughed and said yes. They didn't offer up and evidence mind you, just flat out agreed. They couldn't keep track of the dropping of ice cream pints on my feet in stores, tossing pencils in the air and having them land literally IN my hand (I still have the lead mark to prove it... 8 years later), hitting my head on various parts of my car, or other peoples bumpers, or office furniture attacking me.
Even so, I still contest it is because I'm "accident prone" or "graceless", I think I just attract amusing situations. That's it.
Now watch your head, that ceiling is a dosey.
UPDATE: I recently remembered the day I punched myself in the face when I sneezed. What do you remember?