Stop Touching Things

"Miss! you can't touch the artwork..."
"He means you, too, G-ma"

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Nightlife in Saarisburg

Welcome back to the wonderful land we call Saarisburg. In this episode, we will investigate the nightlife of the area's most celebrity family, the Saaris.

In your mind, see visions of bright lights and groggy mornings. In fact, here is a recent example, right down to the minute:

10:30 p.m. — Czar and Czarina of Saarisburg agree to call it a night. This triggers a sometimes aggravating response in the Czar. I call it, talking time. Despite the light-blocking eye mask firmly around the head of the Czarina, the Czar yammers away, asking such urgent questions as, "What you would do with $100,000" and commentary, such as "my finger hurts."
11:30 p.m. — After nearly an hour, Czarina convinces him it is time to cash out, and does so accordingly.
12:58 a.m. — A random alarm set on Czar's watch begins its incessant beeping. After waking the sedated Czar, he fumbles around until he finally gets the thing turned off.
1:49 a.m. — Czarina is awoken by a stomping and whining child, who needs her sheets changed. Nothing to blame her for, happens to the best of us. Child insists overhead lights must be turned on during sheet/pajama changing.
1:53 a.m. — Child returned to bed, Czarina returns to bed.
2:10 a.m. — Child comes stomping into bedroom, mad as a hornet she is expected to sleep in her own bed. After more stomping, Czarina convinces child to lay down on the floor — no, not in my bed — on the floor. Yes, on the floor or in her bed.
2:10 — 3:06 a.m. — Trying in vain to return to sleep after the stomping incident of earlier. Can't get country western song, "Riding the Navajo Trail" out of her head, Czarina vows to throw out the western CD given to boy-child by well meaning grandparents.
6 a.m. — Child wakes, realizing she is in Czarina'a room, she decides everyone should be awake.
The day begins.
Total sleeping time: 3.5 hours.
Total time trying to sleep 8 hours.

Join us for another fascinating look inside the life of the Czarina of Saarisburg, next time, at the Rubdown in Howktown.

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